Answers to the Big Questions

Frank J. wants some answers. Here are mine:

THE "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" BLOGGER QUIZ

1. Who the hell do you think you are?

• I'm just a befuddled, middle-aged white man, trying to get by.
  

2. So, other than blogging, what's your job? Do you work at some fast food joint, dumbass?

• I lasted all of two weeks in fast food. I'm the quality manager at a manufacturing plant. All the political operative positions are locked up by the northeastern elites, man.
  

3. Do you have like any experience in journalism, idiot?

• Like, no. Except for writing a newsletter about beer some years ago. And cranky Letters to the Editor. Do those count?
  

4. Do you even read newspapers?

• Sometimes they have a story about local music that I want to read.
  

5. Do you watch any other news than FOX News propaganda, you ignorant fool?

• Whatever channel that Laurie Dhue is on. I watch that channel.
  

6. I bet you're some moron talk radio listener too, huh?

• I would if I were not working all day.
  

7. So, do you get a fax from the GOP each day for what to say, you @#$% Republican parrot?

• No, SMS to my cell phone. CU L8R, KR
  

8. Why do you and your blogger friends want to silence and fire everyone who disagrees with you, fascist?

• Everyone just needs to do what we say. That's it.
  

9. Are you completely ignorant of other countries, or do you actually own a passport?

• Yes. I mean no. Er, does a passport itself impart knowledge? I still have my Bicentennial special edition with the blue cover. Does that one have special powers?
  

10. Have you even been to another country, you dumb hick?

• I have indeed. Canada. German-speaking Europe, with a few days in England. Bahamas. Honduras, Panama. Taiwan, Hong Kong, China. Some for pleasure, some for work. No one goes to Honduras for pleasure, I don't think.
  

11. If you're so keen on the war, why haven't you signed up, chickenhawk?

• I was signed up during the previous one, but my name was not called. But I've been considering a comeback as the oldest Captain in the Army. Our situation will have to be considerably more dire for that to make sense.
  

12. Do you have any idea of the horrors of war? Have you ever reached into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face?

• Not really. The base camp I was in was shot at once, but I think I slept through it.
  

13. Have you ever reached into any pile of goo?

• I have changed a whoooooole bunch of diapers my friend. Have you?

14. Once again, who the hell do you think you are?!

• I am the Egg Man, I am the Walrus ... etc.